haha...its been a long time since I have been blogging. the photo above is my new haircut. lols..I look funny.but anws. I've been having many updates.so Im typing it down to help me rmbr.firstly, its the holidays. which is like yipee. but at the same time boohoo. because i miss school.A LOT.secondly, HSM3 is OUT!!!! I watch the movie halfway through first. maybe im catching the movie today. hopefully. hehe. i love their songs, " Right Here Right Now ", "Can i have this dance?" and " Walk Away". i cant help singing to it everytime.
thridly, im having trouble to concentrate and focus. i can't help thinking about him. haha. i didnt know he might actually start looking for my profile and start chatting me up at MSN. now its just msging. he older than me but wat the heck? i mean is it wrong? he mistaken me for being an older teen like sec 4 or sec 5. it's normal for me to get those comments because people mistaken me too for being older . its because im TALL. taller than my mum and some of my aunts. hehe. i like it but my mind isn't mature yet. haha. so anws, we are keeping in touch. he is keeping sumting from me though. like ...hmm...he doesn't want to tell the truth about why he was searching me through friendster though. i have a theory and a hunch on it. well, believe it or not. i too have a crush on him before he notice me. so we're sort of even. i ask him about his favourite stuff a few nights ago. he end our conversation as he was pretty tired. he still schooling though. so now, im taking a break and enjoying some HSM3 songs.
and tomorrow, my dad's leaving for Melbourne. he going to work overseas for like 10 days i guess. and guess what? Today is his birthday! and my aunt from my dad's side,and my old best friend!
Here's wishing a HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DAD,ALONG BYE AND AMALINA!!!
haha..recently too, my relationship with my mum and my dad hasn't going on so well. me and my mum normally ended up hurting each others hearts. sometimes i wonder why they cant leave me alone for a while. they are also checking out on my personal life. i mean..nvm..anws, i cant help being hurt everytime she keep injecting hurtful words to my head. like she keep calling me fat, my skin is like ugly because of scars and whatever..the skin thingy..is true. but i've been trying to heal it. the fat part is really sickening!!! AM I REALLY THAT FAT???? isit because my weight is more than my mum, doesnt mean im fat. i mean seriously. I HAVE NO DOUBLE CHIN.MY LEGS ARENT LIKE KEBABS.MY STOMECH IS NOT THAT BIG AND WIDE??? sorry if this is a little offensive though, BUT IM NOT FAT!!!
i hate it everytime she looks at me digustedly. like im a piece of rotting apple. evrytime we go out, she will start commenting. then sometimes the digusted look on her face, people see and look at me. they will think that my mum is hating the maid which is like me. HEY! im not fair looking like you do. im nothing like you except for features. it doesnt mean that since im dark, mean that IM A MAID!!! seriously. my wardrobe too needs a makeover. i have a few clothes that i could dress up with. btu im not working and owning an internet blogshop like my sister who is know getting money. IM NOT AS CREATIVE AS HER!!! not in visual arts. im better in performing arts than her. but what can i do with performing arts to help my financial problem??? busking??? haha. i've tried to talk to my mum about me taking a job maybe. but she doesnt allow me and she keep bugging me to find ways to find money. what other solutions do i have. everything i suggest to her is wrong.everything i say is wrong. is my mum really keeping her distance from me? it hurts,
she doesnt know every night i cry to myself. just letting go of all the bad things that people throw at me. but having the person that gave birth to me to call me fat and now keeping her distance away from me. and now im just like the child where my parents can let their anger off. and they blame me that im spoiled. i did not wish to be spoil. and do you think i wish having this life. i know that this is a challenge from God. but i cant cope with it. it hurts. it hurts so badly that my heart cant be healed. having the closest one to call you names. and laughing at you everytime you try to put something on and it doesnt fit.then that adds to my school problems too. this is no life anyone should have. this is the life that is destined to challenged me but i feel like im failing. im failing everything.
somehow, something will be the light that would help me through right? i want to pursue my career in what im good at. Singing and dancing. and i want to learn to play the guitar too. so i could make my own songs and maybe be an internet star like wat some of the new artists have become. its true that my parents disagree greatly on pursuing my dreams to form my own band and have a singing career. i have other dreams too.like being a dietitian, suggested by my dearly loved cousin, Kakak Fadilah. Both Kakak Fadilah and Abang Wandy has been suggesting to me on the courses in poly. they suggested accounts and others...i've been thinking though. but singing is in my blood.
but its ok though. i will try my best to be a dietitian. but also a good singer too.
i'll just pray and hope that my wishes would come true. on having a better life. meeting better friends. being a good singer. passing my exams and tests to be wat i wanna be.
luqman(!)
ili(!)
irah(!)
raudhaa(!)
lyana(!)
Adriana(!)